Misinformed Man

I don’t understand why my body is wanted more than my mind
especially in a society where being fat is frowned upon
and yet they lurk..
thinking that my mounds of flesh somehow carry around hidden insecurities
you must have me mistaken with another
I know my worth
and to be perfectly honest  you are not my type
mr macho with his bravado walking around spewing innuendo
I guess you can say I prefer a meeker man
but not necessarily a weaker man
just one that knows that whats hidden behind my eyes should be his main focus
but I do appreciate your cat calls, and your stares
lets me know that I still got whatever it is that you men look for
Im not the perfect woman
but I am perfect for someone
you just arent him.
so this is to be continued
and while you find another meal on the menu
I will sit here and try to teach you.
you misinformed man.

Torture Me

Originally written Jan 16th, 2010 1:42pm

Torture Me...

Grasp my hands tightly….

Grip my hair by the roots….

Taunt me…

Deny me access….

Control my being….

Blow Me a Kiss…

Refuse me Your Love…

Confuse My Skin….

Muddle my Words….

Tie Me By The Ankles….

Grant me No certanties…

Torture me….

Torture me….

You Tortured me….

I Obliged….

Not any longer…..

No Longer Enslaved…..

No……. Mas

The War between Flesh and Soul

My flesh is at war with my soul. Celibacy was once my view but now I want to view him I mean to say um, I want it. Now my soul wants to be upright standing in the forefront of the battles between good and evil. Praising God's name until my voice is gone and yet still mouthing "I Love You Jesus," but my body, well my body wants him to rock me back and forth, slap my butt and pull my hair and leave my legs shaking and my lips trembling. But that's neither here nor there cuz see my soul, that thing which giveth me my essence is crying out for a space in Heaven. A place where I can stare into the eyes of the only Father that actually cared enough to stick around. My soul yearns to walk the golden streets of Heaven and to wear that crown of light. Omg my flesh is riling up again I can not contain it's lust to have that man deep inside of me. Thrusting away every stressful thought I've had, kissing me in places I didn't know I had, and touching me like he is the architect of my very being. His body on top of mine is not more than I could bare in fact if this is the way it had to be for a lifetime my flesh would be ok with that. Switching position in time with heartbeats, heartbeats racing for orgasms, body heat turning this from mere pressing of flesh to passion, so animalistic in nature the way he grinds himself into the depths of me I cant imagine life without this.
I cant imagine life in hell. I mean no Damn Ice water!? Even the slaves were allowed a cool cup of water! Soul please win I dont want to go to hell. I cant imagine spending the rest of eternity in damnation. My God I m going to repent... for allowing that nigga to eat my pussy... I mean... I'm sorry God for allowing that nice young man to give me oral sex... It just..well... it felt so good having his tongue lap at me for hours on end and the way he moved his lips in tandem with his fingers... I mean..well God you know what happened you were there... You're always here... omniscient, and omnipresent you are Lord. Please forgive me! I don't want to go to hell for what my flesh does. I know you are a forgiving God but im just afraid im not trying hard enough and one day you're gonna stop forgiving me! Please Lord I beg of thee! I know you promised never to leave me nor forsake me, but I know I get in my own way sometimes and the euphoria that I get from orgasms makes me so high I just feel like I need it...from him..smh...I mean...he does it so well I mean to say that you made him really well. Jesus! that man is um, I mean Jesus you are awesome.... Lord you know my mind, you know my heart, and you know my soul. You are the only one I have to prove myself to. Noone else matters. Thank you for your MERCY GOd =)

Late Night Ponderence...

So as I lay awake another thought ridden late night I start to ponder over the things that have transpired in just a months time. I went from a deep depression to A great and mighty Deliverance and most of that is thru relaxation, vacation, and most importantly CHRIST.

But thru all of this new found happiness I still have this ill fated insomnia... NOTHING SEEMS TO CURE IT!!!!!! OMG I HAVE NOT GONE TO BED BEFORE 5AM SINCE IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS LOL.....

Oh yeah back to my point. Or did I really even have a point? Whoa buddy my brain is on a PAUSE right now... Maybe i shouldnt write at 4:50am and expect great results I think i was asking for too much lmao


So since noone reads this shit anyways imma just do me on this particular post and worry bout the inspirational thought provoking type shit later.


SN: When did the phrase "Where dey do dat at?" become so popular why Im havin conversations and that shit keep poppin up???? Damn u Fabolous for making up new stupid ass phrases for all of America to abuse.

And since this post is neither here nor there.... I bid you goodnight Blogspot lol

You Don't Know Me

You think you know me. You see my smile and hear my jovial laughter and get captivated by my mask. You watch as I sing song after song and listen as my soprano belts out and you think all is well. My life you dont even know because you weren't there when we were starving, you didnt get the pleasure of hearing us weep at night, and you definitely didnt get to see our swollen belly's of gas rise and fall in our sleep. You think you know me tho... But... You don't know me you couldnt possibly know how i had to fight my way through life how i had to be an adult at the age of childhood how i had to protect my brother by any means necessary... YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH I WISH YOU'D JUST DIE. YOU ARE KILLING US. YOU ARE KILLING US. YOU ARE KILLING ME!! YOU ARE KILLING ME. EVERYTIME YOU SMOKE THAT CRACK YOU ARE KILLING ME EVERYTIME YOU SMILE IN MY FACE LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK YOU ARE KILLING ME EVERYTIME I WATCH YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH YOUR "FRIENDS" YOU ARE KILLING ME KILLING ME AS WELL AS YOURSELF. MY ENTIRE LIFE YOU HAVE BEEN KILLING ME AND THE LITTLE SLITHER OF SELF ESTEEM THAT I HAVE . YOU ARE KILLING ME AND THE LITTLE PIECE OF SELF CONTROL THAT I HAVE. YOU ARE KILLING MY SOUL. MY SOUL IS DEAD. YOU HAVE DROWNED ME IN YOUR SELFSIHNESS! YOU HAVE ENVELOPED ME IN YOUR SUICIDE MISSION AND NOW IT HAS BECOME MY OWN! I AM DEAD TO THIS WORLD NOW I AM DEAD TO MYSELF NOW. I AM DEAD....MY BREATH HAS BECOME STAGGERED. MY HEARTBEAT IS NOW JUST A SLIGHT PIT... PAT...PIT....PAT.. IM NOW GASPING FOR AIR... YOU KILLED ME... MY SOUL LAUGHS AS IT EXITS MY BODY LAUGHS BECAUSE THE PERSON WHO THOUGHT THEY KNEW ME THE MOST HAS JUST MURDERED ME... I DRIFT.